Fear and Loathing In Los Angeles! If this cover version of movie name summarizes your feelings about this city, you’re reading the right thing! Don’t go anywhere!
Welcome to the city of fake angels with plastered, goofy smile and shaped by plastic surgeries! You think to be a member Angelenos community is a privilege because you’re walking on sunshine, chilling out at the most spectacular places, watching the sunset making “awww” sounds, eating most delicious, sterilized meals, seeing attractive, best looking, selected people who are mostly Planet LA’s members of surgically improved and upgraded versions. Sorry guys, I hate to admit but this is just a dream as it was mentioned at the song. Nothing is sunshine and flowers in this lovely planet! You’re not living at a movie set filming a glorious life of yours that you have everything you wanted because after the cut, as soon as crew start to vanish, you realize you’re all alone with your miserable life that is so much overrated and manipulated at your social media accounts.
So yes, I know this is depressing kind of opening but at least I write something realistic about the city and I’m offering you some suggestions to deal with the stressful things of being Angelenos. You may send me thank you notes and any kind of presents after reading my tips!
Our first lesson is how to survive when you’re stuck in the middle of monstrous goriest traffic jam:
BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH THE MURDEROUS TRAFFIC:
Hire a person, sitting next to you for flipping his or her bird every time an Ahole honks without no reason or beams flashlights into your face!
Listen to your audiobooks. I’m sure during your 5 miles driving trip, you may listen entire War and Peace from Tolstoy and turned into a more intellectual person.
Hire a person for massage your neck and head during your drive because trust me everything could turn into a mess in any second so at least you need to calm down.
Listen to the meditational songs, whale singing or octopus crying kind of relaxing music. Of course you’re gonna feel so relieved, peaceful and sleepy! But don’t worry, traffic is not moving anywhere so when your eyes start closing, you may park somewhere and have a peaceful sleeping when the monstrous cars passing through and envying your happiness mood.
Don’t schedule any appointment! You’re not gonna make it! Deal with the fact!
Take your date with you to your driving torture and bring out your sandwiches, refreshments and hire some people holding your sandwich, helping you get a bite so you won’t distract during your driving! If your backseats have enough space you may also hire a person play cello to bring out more romantic vibes!
Or do not drive and use public transportation which means as soon as you hit the road and nobody could hear from you for a decade! (Yes, you cannot move to anywhere and it gets 5 hours to get somewhere 3 miles ahead or so you’d better walk or rent a Bird if you’re capable to use it without losing your balance and making yourself a laughingstock!
Do not drive! Design a home office and use Amazon, Postmate for your deliveries! Trust me turn into a claustrophobic is best way to deal with the monstrous traffic jam!
Here are my tips for being Angelenos! There are more to come! Stay tuned!